remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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