I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
