I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
