Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Terrible idea I love it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize