I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
