Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
