Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
