I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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