i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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