Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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