You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
