the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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