take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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