after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
