If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
