Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
