I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
