Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
