can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
