This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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