We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Still dying that you shit outside
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
