I wannas sexs uuuuu
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
