And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
