just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My pussy is not your playground.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
