I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
