I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
