i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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