at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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