Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
