she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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