I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
