Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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