She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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