I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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