his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
