Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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