I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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