we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
