What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
