I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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