8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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