that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
