how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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