What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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