Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
