i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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