can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
