Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
