It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
