We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
