I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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