girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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