His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
