I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
smell my finger.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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