I wish my penis had an off switch
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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