quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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