sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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