I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize