Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
