Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
