I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
