i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
