In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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