pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
