why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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