new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
