That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
