So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
