i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
