My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm always down for nudity.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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