um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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